And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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