just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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