I'm really into asian looking animals
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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