Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
