I got chris browned last night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
