Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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