I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
