Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
do nipples grow back?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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