Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
