...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
