i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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