What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
