I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
