There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
