Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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