i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
