im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm like, not good at living.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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