everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
