So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
