She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
