He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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