Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
