She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
