Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
