my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
