I have demons in me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
