At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
