Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
