I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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