I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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