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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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