i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
