32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
