I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
