you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
