pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
