i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
