she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
