She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
