So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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