Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
