I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When are your genitals available?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
