can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
