so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A bitchslap is in order.
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