I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
