About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
