i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
