I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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