U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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