Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
